Opportunities v. Expectations

As some of you know I am, at present, unemployed (and in negotiation with the Welfare Office for some means of support...another story...)

The current PC definition for the unemployed seems to be 'actively seeking work.' That's fine by me- I love work, I can sit and watch it for hours, as the wisecrack goes!

Considering the lists of jobs available online, in newspapers, on newsagents' notice boards, etc I have come to realise how useless I am. I may be a qualified and experienced teacher, but that's it, that's all, and without available teaching jobs what does one do?

So several weeks ago I girded my loins and bearded the owner of the one and only sewing shop in the county...and asked for work experience. Then I tracked down two Garden Clubs and emailed them with an offer to help anyone struggling with an exuberant garden. I have to admit that, although hopeful I felt an awful eejit on all occasions.

Well so far there are three results- two garden owners and  a discussion on Monday with the sewing lady which are all quite exciting for an unemployed teacher (note: really must get out more!!).

The upshot is this though; I find it difficult to see opportunities even when I thought my expectations were almost negligible. I hoped that a couple of people might pay me for the odd half day weeding and tidying, which would help to keep the roof over my head (major concern), but both gardening offers have been in terms of barter, one of which is a great opportunity, and I need to say yippee! instead of panic because it wasn't what I expected.

As a result this afternoon I have been mulling over the difference between opportunity and expectation. How many time does one miss an opportunity because it wasn't quite what one expected, or perhaps it wasn't at all what one expected? How often are we told to 'think outside the box' (mental image of a tiny little anxious grey thinking-bug crouching sadly on the ground beside a huge brown happy cardboard box...)

Not all opportunities are good, or will lead anywhere positive, or are to be taken, or are even right for one at a particular time. But some opportunities are the right ones at the right time and should be seized gleefully.

Long ago I heard a talk about decisions as being forks, or perhaps T-junctions, in the road of life and I recall wondering when my choices and decisions were made because I didn't recall more than a few momentous ones. It seemed to me that my choices have not presented as forks but as side lanes, many taken without thought and others missed entirely. All of you probably feel the same when you look back and wonder how on earth you managed to end up in a particular place'.  One result of that  pondering for me was the decision to believe that at any given point I have made the best choice available to me at the time, so to quit beating myself up over results which may have been less than satisfactory. That conscious decision has given me much peace of mind over the years when things have, very obviously not worked out...at the time I know I did my best, and sometimes the best is just not good enough.

So opportunities versus expectations...learning to bend and turn with the current...deciding to take things as they come and see what happens...being adaptable...

Can an old dog learn new tricks? Not sure.

We'll see I guess!

Of Decisions and Chocolate...

Have you ever had to make alone a momentous decision which will have repercussions for everyone who is important to you? Trying to see the issues from every angle, considering all the main people it will affect, staying true to your-own-self and at the same time knowing that which ever way you turn things won't be the same again.

I think there are certain events or acts in one's life which yank skewif the whole fabric of one's habits, belief, faith, outlook etc. Sometimes it can be an inadvertent yank such as an accident, sometimes it is anticipated but not to the extent it side-swipes you, like one's first child, and sometimes it is something you never ever thought would zoom over the horizon to thwack you.

This decision or choice comes under the last category...and its not 'luck' or 'patience' or 'thought' which is needed, its a blinkin' crystal ball!!!!

I have always though that as long as one lives mindfully, making careful decisions and choices, then whatever happens (be it good or bad) one can at least believe that at any given point in one's life one made the best decisions given the information or circumstances of that particular time. But what if, years down the line, all those tiny or middling sized choices turn out to have lead up to a massive horrible choice? Can I still say that I did my best even if my best has led to the present situation?

I don't believe in pointless recrimination, never have. I don't look back with regret, largely because I forget stuff! For better or worse, I am a 'present moment' person, which drives my family and friends (and Principal) demented much of the time: I really have tried to change, but it hasn't stuck...which brings me back to this present present...

Just to put events back into their true perspective...a girl needs chocolate, right? Well when I went to get the newspapers after Church I saw Tesco had a special on Thornton's:

Ahhhh! Thornton's chocolates....delish-ness extraordinaire!
 

I could have resisted, of course, but it woulda been rude to do so at the price that was in it!!!!

So I didn't!

Good or Evil: Which?

Here's a Question:

If someone walked into your town, say the main Shopping Center, tomorrow, and claimed to be the returned Messiah, what would you do?
Would you believe?
Be cynical?
Believe because you want to believe?
Look for signs?
Would you actually do anything?

Now, imagine that same someone is Satan himself and although claiming to be God and doing tricks and 'miracles' is as evil as Hell, would you recognise the difference?
Would you keep your distance?
Would you follow because the veneer is pretty authentic?
Would you know that there was something wrong?
Would you try and test him?
Would you go with the crowd?
Would you do nothing?

Anyone who has looked into the Bible's New Testament must have wondered the same things at some time because it is exactly what the Hebrews had to consider when Jesus began His Ministry, except He was their first experience of God walking around as a human, and we would be looking at His second arrival.

But if there is one thing I know without a shadow of a doubt it is that I cannot predict what I would do in such a situation. I have been in enough peculiar situations to know that, although I hope I would do the right thing, I can not be certain I would, and neither can you.

Consider these, and you can laugh, but they are all things which have really happened to me (in East Africa) and my reactions were not wise:

1) On Safari in Meru one day I was in the kitchen of the hut setting out the lunch on plates- lettuce, avocados, hard boiled eggs and potato salad or something like that. Next thing a huge baboon lands in the doorway and makes a grab for the food-

What would you do? Let him have it and get out of the way would have been a wise move...

I lunged, shrieking at him with the knife in my hand...utterly, utterly stupid and dangerous, a baboon can rip a person to pieces in minutes. Luckily someone else was behind me, caught my arm, and let the baboon help himself to the buffet.

2) Another time I was caught in a riot, in the car, with Youngest as a baby strapped in her seat beside me. Someone noticed this cute baby and tried to open the door, then banged on the windows with a rungu yelling 'give me baby!'.

The car doors were already locked so what would you do? There were people everywhere, stationary cars in front and behind so no escape...

I went ballistic- I never realised how many swear words I knew in how many languages and I think I frightened the life out of the rioters too- this white woman going ape in the middle of an African Political riot...really, really stupid.

3) One last story: One night when the Hub was working late there was a knock at the kitchen door and when I opened it there stood one very drunk askari (night guard) pointing a strung arrow about 18" from my face, yelling and screaming that he was going to kill all the wazungu (white people) starting with me.
The gardener had run away in fright, the ayah was hiding behind the dog kennel screaming her head off, and the people from the labour lines were all lined up in the vegetable patch watching to see what would happen, and, just in case you don't know, the askaris tip their arrows with home-made poison which paralyses a person in minutes.
Death by arrow shooting is still prevalent and common in East Africa.

What would you do? Shut the door and run?
Play the Schoolmarm and tell him to go home and sleep off the changa'a (liquor)?
Plead?

Any of those would have been wise...I laughed at him. Really sensible.


OK, so none of those were Right or Wrong situations: but such times have proved to me that if I can't know how I will act, then neither can you, no insult intended, its just a fact. And something else, that our God sure is mighty!!


The point of this?

'Showdown' by Ted Dekker, a Christian author who writes about Good and Evil: my original questions are the premise for this book.
Of course he is more subtle, but the menace, the indecision, the people's confusion between right and wrong and how to act is all there.

Scary stuff, I'm telling you...