Friday, 14 February 2014

Consider Noddy

Regardez vous le petit voiture!
(old photo- camera not co-operating with today's photos)
(looks heluva lot worse these days...)
Isn't it a charming, gallant vehicle (pronounced VEH-ik-el) albeit a tad battered? And taking into account that it has been serving owners since 1999 its doing a reasonable job, especially since it had it under parts welded together a year ago.

If you had this extremely personable car-person under your NCT scrutiny would you not just give it a pat on the bonnet and sign it off with a smile?

Well obviously the inspection guys didn't fall for its character either- NOT, I hasten to add, that they recommended it be dispatched forthwith to the great scrapyard in the sky...BUT they did point out a flaw which they would like seen to before patting it on the bonnet and signing it off with a smile.

Back track briefly to late last week and a friend was helping me clean Noddy ready for the inspection. I was fretting about the state of the tyres, thinking they would fail the NCT whilst scrubbing away at a year's worth of accumulated mould on the sides and roof. Laughingly W. remarked, 'Don't scrub too hard at the rust as its probably all that's holding it together!'

Ha-ha-ha...

Fast track to the end of the inspection next day and the guy tells me...'Well basically its failed due to the spreading rust which is particularly bad under the central door support...' Basically he implied that if I were to hit a pothole at speed, and we've plenty of those to choose from, Noddy would probably sort of concertina inwards with the bonnet meeting the boot. Now I'd love to see that, like a Muppet's mouth, you know?

So today Noddy is having his bum welded...again...not such a big job as last time though, and really, if Noddy was a dog I'd probably be wondering whether I should put him out of his misery, so between you, me and the dog, to say nothing of the car, I'm not fussed!

And Noddy is sniggering away to himself getting pampered to bits for a day before, hopefully, being patted on the bonnet and signed off with a smile..for another year....

Sunday, 9 February 2014

Sharing Intestines

I think sharing is good, especially when it comes to interesting bits of useful information.  I say this  because I have been reading some very interesting local history books lately and being the generous sort, I like to share the especially informative points, which appears to be driving my family insane.Well, useful in my opinion, of course, how am I to know what's going on inside someone else's head?
But before you laugh just remember that you never know when a useful bit of information may save you.

For instance:

Many years ago when Youngest was a baby, we all (us five and the Hub's parents) spent a long weekend with a Wycliffe Missionary training group somewhere back of Narok (East Africa).
We're talking real bush here, many hours worth of dirt tracks in 4WD from the nearest road-head, which wasn't what anyone in the West would have even called a road. The new Missionaries spent a few months living in the bush learning how to get by under tents, with little water, no contact with the outside world and cooking on open fires.
We joined the return of the weekly truck run to Nairobi for essentials and arrived into camp after dark late at night with a crate of ice cream as a treat, I forget whose idea the ice-cream was, but the Hub worked at a CO2 plant so had access to dry ice which made the transporting of a crate of ice-cream through the tropics for eight or so hours' driving a cinch.
In fact he had been a bit over-zealous with the ice and the ice-cream was so hard frozen that everyone had to sit round the fire for more than an hour in order to wait for it to be edible, literally we could not find an instrument strong enough with which to serve it.

Late night in the African bush, miles from anywhere, sitting round the fire drinking chai and telling stories, listening to the sounds in the bush, the Maasai sing and watching them teach the children to dance whilst waiting for ice-cream to thaw...surreal? much?

Anyhow, that's a bye the bye, I was going to tell you about the usefulness of trivia.

After supper and putting the children to bed each evening everyone gathered together to entertain themselves. Singing, story telling, discussion, but also Trivial Pursuit, remember that? So picture perhaps twenty five or so adults divided into two teams (I think it was Africa v. The Rest of The World) huddled together on rickety home made wooden benches, the Trivial Pursuit board balanced on a camp table lit by a tilly lamp with all these extremely intellectual and competitive people, mostly sophisticated Americans, wracking their brains over purely irrelevant questions.
(Aside:These people were in Africa mainly to translate the Bible into hitherto unknown tribal languages and dialects, and many of them would have to invent the first written ciphers for the languages involved. I mean we are talking multi-talented and truly incredible people here.)

So the pie slices were accumulating, the competition and insults were flying, along with a lot of ragging, and after Africa was gleefully inserting a science slice into their pie, one of their men suddenly announced, 'Hey guys, did you know that a koala's intestines are eight feet long?'
Everyone laughed and exclaimed how that couldn't be right and tried to come up with something comparable but of course we had no way to look it up or prove it one way or another, and in any case so what? The very next card was a pie slice science question for The Rest of The World and guess what it was...

'How long are the intestines of a Koala Bear?'

I kid you not.
As I recall the question was greeted by silence and utter disbelief, we thought he was making it up to tease us, so the card had to be passed around for everyone to see! I think you could probably hear us laughing in Tanzania that night.

Unfortunately we never got to finish the game though as on the way back from the longdrop someone saw a leopard and since there were several children asleep in tents the game was promptly abandoned and we all went to bed.

But the story of the koala bear's intestines did the rounds for years afterwards in both Missionary and Settler circles raising disbelief and a laugh every time. Heck! I'm still laughing!

Monday, 3 February 2014

Overheard In The Kitchen

'Where does Mum keep the sugar?'

'See the little gold candle tin marked Christmas Spice on top of the curry powder jar behind the kettle- that's Mum's sugar bowl.'

Of course it is!!

Sunday, 26 January 2014

Cynical, Snarky, Moi?

Once upon a time there was a Princess and she fell in love with a Prince. Then another woman came along who also fancied the Prince so she charmed the pants off him, well not literally, with a magic potion, silly. So the Prince thought it was great having two dumb females after him and played it for all he was worth.

The Princess wept and wailed and gnashed her pearly white teeth and tried all sorts of ways to win back the Prince. He was too into himself to realise he was not just playing with fire, but also chucking away a diamond so he could play with Frosties.

One fine day, actually it was teeming with rain, the Princess blew her nose, squared her shoulders and thought 'stuff this for a game of thrones'. So she went out and found herself a big black friendly Labrador dog because they are the absolute best, travelled the world, became an eco-warrior, watched re-runs of Star-Trek every evening, wrote dozens of meaningful, inspirational, best-selling novels and had a merry old time. When she wanted company she visited a school and told the children stories about her travels, when she fancied a curry she ate out, and when she got fed up with life she went for a very long walk on the beach with her fabulous dog-person.

The Princess and her dog lived happily ever after and were loved by everyone.

The Prince settled for a boring half life of discontent, malaise and a whole string of greedy wives.

Actually, late in life the Princess may have found a quite ordinary kind man who loved her enough to take her as she was without playing stupid games, but then again that's her private business.

There is no moral to this story except if you watch the 'Mirror, Mirror' film in a bad mood, in which case you'll get the moral without it being explained.

Wednesday, 22 January 2014

This'n'That

Yesterday I had a run-in with the Welfare Office and was so upset and annoyed I didn't know where to put myself. But then Wily Coyote took the time to phone and talk through a few ways of dealing with the problem, and Youngest joined me for a coffee in Costa, so I calmed down! This morning another friend came up with another suggestion so tomorrow I will go back to the Office and coolly, calmly deal with the situation.

Thank you for friends!

This morning in school I started working on musical 'rounds' with 1st and 2nd class, which took quite some explanation and practice before the concept was understood (I thought...). Eventually we managed to sing through the song as a round and got it to sound a bit more musical. They obviously still didn't understand the concept though because as I wound up that activity and began the next, one small boy told me in a puzzled voice: 'I still think its a very untidy way to sing.'

Thank you for honest little people!

Wednesday, 15 January 2014

Helpful Heckety...Or Not So?

One day last week I thought I would be a helpful heckety and offered to collect a friend from a hospital appointment and deliver him home. He's a bit bockety on his feet so he requires door to door motorised delivery.

As regular visitors will know from my grumblings I keep the car at school and just walk up the hill and collect it when I need wheels. It takes about seven minutes so is not the least problem (when the sun is shining!!).

So last week, on the appointed day, at the appointed time (ish) I trotted along to the hospital to collect bockety friend and was zooming along the corridor thinking 'amn't I great for being on time, nay, early even?' when I realised...I'd forgotten...to collect the...car...

How does one collect someone without transport?

Piggyback?

No wonder I was early!

Back I ran to collect the car, drive to the hospital, park it and get to the correct department for collection of person. When I admitted what I'd done he laughed like anything.

Friends! who'd have me for one?

Sunday, 5 January 2014

2014 Here I come?

What shall I do?
 
Where shall I go?

Who shall I be?

What are my options?

Decisions, decisions...

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