Thursday, 23 October 2014

Overheard This Week


Girl: D'you know what my little sister did this morning, H.? She splouted the toothpaste straight into her mouth without even using her toothbrush! And then she drank the soap!

Well now we know who the cleanest child in Ireland is...on the inside at any rate!!


Teacher: You've Music after Break so leave your Song copy books ready please...(notices one boy frantically emptying bag and rummaging through pencil case)...what's the matter P.?

P.: I forgot to stick my song in!

Teacher: From last week? H. won't mind.

Whole Class: Yes she will, its from three weeks ago!

Aye me! My reputation!!


Rather Damp Boy: Dad had to wash my hair before school today.

H.: Why?

R.D.B.: Because at breakfast my sister put her toast on my head butter side down.

And you let her??

Friday, 17 October 2014

The 11.59 Rule

Waiting is a bummer.

Waiting to grow up when you're little, waiting for the kettle to boil, waiting for the postman when a magazine subscription is due, waiting for Christmas, waiting for something good to happen when life seems bleak, waiting for people to figure that change is needed, waiting for the vegetables to grow...

Many years ago friends and I had a conversation about this and one of them explained it thus:

Everything happens in God's Perfect Time, not my good time or your intended time but God's.Perfect.Time. For God, what may seem to us the last minute for an answer is still His Perfect Time. 11.59 may be panic stations for us, but that too is His Time.

Over the years this has been proved true over and over again, and even when no amazingly obvious miracle or answer has whooshed in at the metaphorical midnight, still things have kind of worked out in the long view. I suppose impatience is a human characteristic- how many squirrels do you see hovering around oak trees in Spring waiting for the acorns to fall?!

Waiting can be productive if I keep a positive attitude, 'the journey, not the destination,' and especially if I manage to keep the long view that 'all things work together for good to them that love the Lord.' Its difficult, its really, really difficult a lot of the time but since we all have to endure I guess it helps to do it with a good grace and hopefulness?

So I am applying the 11.59 Rule: I will live in the 'now' and believe that 'it' will happen in God's Perfect Time; and if it doesn't happen despite all my efforts then either it wasn't meant to or we haven't reached God's Perfect Time...yet...

Tuesday, 14 October 2014

Reaping The Whirlwind

'They that sow the wind shall reap the Whirlwind.'

A quote from the book of Hosea in the Bible, although until I looked it up the other day I thought it was from Shakespeare, which is frequently the case with me!

Apparently the most well-known use of this line was during the Second World War when someone used it in regard to violent military retaliation. Reading the news from the Middle East, among other places, it struck me that there are a lot of unfortunate people at the moment reaping a Whirlwind of other peoples' making. It is a beautifully poetic description of potential havoc, destruction and devastation in the harshest sense and although it may be spoken in terms of the 'reaper' receiving just desserts, the more I consider it the more it seems to me that in life people so often reap other people's payment.

In Hosea, it is used as a bleak prophecy to a nation but always there are those caught up in devastation who were just trying to carry on with a productive and purposeful life on the side-lines. I don't need to give examples- look at the war zones, the typhoon and storm damage, more warzones, refugees, displaced persons...

I have to admit that I am also looking closer to home, as in all things one tends to put the huge events in perspective with the small personal ones. My children are still reaping the whirlwind of my sowing with the breakup of the family, much though I try to protect them. I never meant to sow a wind, I did not even realise I was. All the many years I did my best for them and for very many others too and living is reduced to the day to day coping with a Whirlwind of my unintentional making.

I suppose this applies to many, many of us: cause and effect, action and reaction. And it is the people who think who realise this while others don't seem to notice because they are not given to introspection. Which does not make the 'thinkers' more responsible, but does make them more aware.

No one lives a blameless life, no one's actions can ever be taken in isolation, most people do the best with the lemons they are given and their lemonade of life turns out reasonably sweet at least some of the time! But others, intentionally or unintentionally, sometimes through just doing what they thought was the right thing, sow havoc and leave the vulnerable to pick up the pieces. One can not help everyone, or solve all injustice, and that too is a burden, whether we are looking at the world picture or the personal, but somehow we have to still do our best where we are at and trust that in the grand scheme things will work out for the greater good.



Thursday, 2 October 2014


Private Letter to the Human Using Our House:

Dear Human,

The snails in the kitchen bees tellin' us that you had been publicatin' epistolaries to us-es, but since they is bein' without opposable thumbses they bees unable to recriprocation.

Thus we bugses is replyin' to yous recently letter.

We bugses be appreciate your acknowlegeishness that we is being here before yous. We bees also appreciatin' yous anxiousness not to troddon us-es.

In the spirit of co-operativeness we bugses will be attemptin' to modification us socialise at the specificationly hours yous mentions, but bees askin' yous understandingness if we overstrays at times. You didna bees mentionin' the music but we will bees endeavourin' to keep it within the bounds of respectability voluminous, and not bees havin' 'The Ugly Bug Ball' on repeat moren one night outta six. Anyhow the moths do bees prefer the sountrack to 'Antz'. Wez wonna be involvin' yous in our inter-bugsesatory disputations.

With thankins for yous continues sufferancingness for us first-people-bugses,



P.S. The Snails would be signin' too if they were havin' opposable thumbses.

Tuesday, 30 September 2014

Seen In The Kitchen

Ok, so this is so ridiculous that you will either howl laughing or delete me:

The other night in the pitch black I got up to the loo, and because it was pitch black I didn't put on my glasses. At the bathroom door a strange glow emanating from the kitchen caught my bleary eyes and after sniffing to check for fire, (no smell) I decided that to investigate without glasses would be pure stupid.

So back to get (and put on) my glasses.

Return to the kitchen. There's a weird glow around the fridge....oh my goodness, the weird glow is around the door of the fridge!

At this point I am aware that most normal people would think, 'Oh I must have left the fridge door slightly open, darn!'

But NO! What did Heckety think? 'Heck, there's Aliens in my fridge!'

And whereas most normal people, especially in the middle of the night, would turn on the light, go over, and push the door closed....what did I do?

I crept over, in the dark, and quietly opened the door to see what the Aliens were doing...??

Of course the punch line would be that they were stealing the cheese to create a new moon for their planet...but actually even I had to admit that there was nothing in my fridge except a problem with the rubber door seal.

Oh dear.

Saturday, 27 September 2014

Impasse...or...A Pointless Post

What does one do when one reaches an impasse with the quilt in progress?
Hmmm, does the Seminole work really go or
 do I need something different in that panel? Hmmmmmmm...
One goes out to hoke at the window boxes...
Is that really the kale seeds germinating or is it just weeds I wonder? a spot of much needed weeding, a SPOT, I said...
Golly to goodness, better mind out for lions and tigers and bears ha ha!
...dead- head the rambling rose and discuss with the lovely climber what exactly it is...
Are you a Virginia Creeper because I've
always wanted one of those on my house, I think they're lovely:
 please be a ginny creeper?
...admire the fuchsia which is still going strong and quite a blaze of colour...
...and finally plant out the winter pansies which I bought this week in a fit of extravagance (they were on special offer so I saved €2.50 by buying three, but I could have saved €11 if I'd left them in the shop!)
Yup, those are the old grape punnets re-used! Who's a pretty pansy then?!

I know the middle one is a sunflower! I just put the pansies in next to it for when the sunflower karks it, its called multi-purposing, or maybe thinking ahead...or maybe just stingy!
And finally, several hours later when one has done all that and the solution to the quilt impasse has become clear, one realises that one has been out wearing one's clean sewing jumper and indoor shoes and is now quite filthy.


Solve one problem, create another.

Screw it! and one brushes off the worst of the dirt, scrubs the mud out of the fingernails and returns to the quilt, much dirtier but really no wiser.

Monday, 22 September 2014


Open Letter to the Bugs in MY Bathroom:

Dear Bugs In MY Bathroom,

This is a request for your cooperation in the matter of privacy, mine.

I am aware that this house has been here for a very long time, and so it follows that you were in residence long before I ever arrived. In fact I think it is probably safe to say that you have been in residence for many hundred generations of your kind. Now I know that it is indeed an evil thing to evict residents just because the new administration wants the facilities, but I am not requesting you to leave at all, In fact I do quite enjoy your company.

I would just ask that you restrict your wild public socialising in MY bathroom to between say 11pm till 7am, and whenever I am off the premises, of course.

I am sure there are many people, extroverts and such, who truly would not mind an audience when they are on the loo or in the shower but unfortunately I am not one of them. I also worry about the number of you with an obvious death-wish; any slater, centipede, inchworm, beetle and spider who insists on sharing the shower does after all run the risk of being washed back to their Great Maker. An ignominious end for any self-respecting bug I would think. Ditto the ones who like to run around my feet when I am cleaning my teeth, because as you will have discovered by now, I do not always wear my glasses so therefore cannot see where I am stepping.

But heck, its your choice.

Of course the spiders, flies, bluebottles, butterfly, wasps and daddy-long-legs are in a much safer position up the wall but they are still included in this address.

Please consider my request for privacy in MY bathroom?

Expecting to hear from you soonest.


PS Would the very large brown spider who has taken up residence in the hand-towel please find another place to live as the hand-towel is definitely off limits and I will certainly evict you.


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