I am so blessed in my cyber-buddies, so very blessed. You are all so good to write and send me your thoughts and also that some of you too have passed through this valley on your journey. I am humbled and begin to think that I may survive too. You are so encouraging.
Friends at school and around have been kind too, some really making the effort to remind me that they care. That too is encouraging.
I have hidden for the last month, afraid to be seen for fear of verbal abuse. Its been difficult and not just due to the demons in my head. Whatever other people are thinking, I think I am judging myself the most harshly of all since it does seem to me a wicked thing to have walked away from my marriage. And although the girls are free to visit me whenever they please, they continue to live with their father. From full time Mom to a few hours a week with each girl, if I'm lucky, is an overwhelming loss...of companionship and identity. I tell myself that it is early onset 'empty nest' syndrome!!!
I will take photos of my funny little house to show you.
Its over one hundred years old, with an outside loo and, in the back shed, the old yard fireplace for cooking! Its very narrow, maybe 8' wide, and shaped like a boomerang with hardly a square corner in the place. The fire heats the radiators and the hot water- no fire, no heat. There are three plug sockets upstairs, two in the sitting room and I thought there were three in the kitchen but then I found two more in a cupboard...so if I want to plug in something extra I have to use it in the cupboard and sit on the floor...
Eccentric in the extreme!!