Identity: Dr. Who?

Here's a question:

What defines you? What makes you exactly who you are and different to everyone else?

How do you think of yourself? How would you introduce yourself to someone new?

What words would another person use to describe you? Someone who knows you well and someone who was a casual friend?

What aspects of your personality shine through for all to see, and are they the aspects for which you would like to be remembered?

When people think of you do they consider your integrity? your kindness? your creativity in whatever medium you like to use? are you the sort of person other people turn to when they want a job done and done well? are you a prop or the propped?

When they leave you do people feel encouraged? uplifted? exhausted with laughing? or worn tho a thread from your neediness? do they enjoy your company and remember you with thanksgiving? do they feel they matter to you- do they want to matter to you?

Are you the sum of your life experiences? Are you marching to an off-beat or going against the flow? Are you a Quilter? an Evangelist? an Accountant? a Teacher? a Musician? Or is what you do for a living not actually who you consider yourself to be?

Do people actually see you when they are with you or do you fade behind titles such as 'wife', 'mother', 'gran' 'secretary', 'teacher', 'so'n'so's friend', or (worst of all) 'well-meaning...but'? Do people look at you and not actually see you at all, or see a reflection of themselves which they think you complement?

And then, if you were stripped of your labels, titles, job, destination, possessions, all the things which, intentionally or otherwise, have come to define you- what would be left? Would you like the naked soul you met in the deep dark night of despair? or would you be horrified to discover you had become something unpleasant whilst you were looking the other way and getting on with your life?

When you stop and look do you see someone you actually like? or do you see someone who has fallen so far short of their own dreams, ideals, hopes, ethics, beliefs, aspirations, that it feels as though you are meeting a stranger, and not one you really wish to spend much time with?

Does it matter that you have arrived somewhere you never intended to go? Does it matter that people look at you and see someone you never intended to be? Does it matter that you have lost who you thought you were and are having to start over again?

Which is more important- that you try to live rightly by the light of your choice? or keep others happy at the loss of yourself? is there a mid-way?

Everyone wrestles with themselves at some time, or at many times, is it a waste of energy or do we learn from such times of self-doubt?

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

 

Shakespeare's Hamlet, Act 1.

So when you look to yourself in a quiet moment do you recognise yourself?


PS. And does it matter?

Die Or Be Kilt?

Here's a question for the answering of:

Do you think small local business should be run on cut-throat lines, or benefit the community and with as much goodwill as possible?

Or should they not differ from the huge conglomerates, with toe-stomping being the accepted norm?

Is being as professional as possible in one's own small sphere enough, knowing that one is only a part of the whole, or should one be out to undercut and ruin the opposition in the name of self-promotion, profit and good business practise?

I guess you can guess where I stand on this one...live and let live. But I'm wondering whether I have the wrong attitude since we are talking income here? Should I join the nasty brigade in the interests of profit?

There's a quote which for my adult life I've tried to live by:

What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?

 

Matthew 16 v26...(have to admit I thought it was Shakespeare until I googled it to ensure I had it right...ooops!!!)

I've always believed that morals, ethics, kindness, honour, good reputation, were hugely important at whatever level one is working or living. But, as I am swiftly discovering, its easy to keep your ethics intact when you stand in the middle of the island; when you are clinging to the rocks at the edge of the sea-cliff its more difficult to honour one's own beliefs and to believe they truly matter, especially when you see others doing the opposite and reaping significant financial benefits as a result. Does that indicate they are more desperate or just more business minded?

The other day when I was grumbling Middlest informed me:

Karma's a bitch so I don't have to be!

I laughed, I really found it funny, and maybe I hope its true but not sure. Of course I don't wish confusion and destruction on others but neither do I any longer believe that what 'goes round, comes round'. Call me cynical but in business as in life it does not pay to have morals or ethics, to be generous, thoughtful, considerate, encouraging or to 'live and let live'.

Can success only be measured in financial ruin of the opposition? Is there no room for healthy competition and diversification? Why must we die or be kilt, why can't we go separate ways? Its not a small village we live in, its a city, much as we all call it a town and still live with a small rural town mind-set.
(I know I'm being vague here, but its on purpose for fear of saying too much, as several small business people are involved on each side of the equation, whether or not they are aware .)

Am I wrong? Naïve? Out dated? Not cut out to make a 'go' of my pathetic sewing?

The alternative, of giving up and staying on welfare whilst twiddling my thumbs, is humiliating. There's a happy medium somewhere but I need to find it, and fast.


PS I think that 'kilt' may be an Irish colloquialism. It does not refer to a Scotsman's skirt, neither is it short for murder. It is sort of being being in serious bother with someone, usually yer Irish Mammy, and receiving a verbal hiding, possibly a clip of the ear, and temporary banishment! Its a bit difficult to explain, but since I found it in the writings of Maria Edgeworth (1768-1849) its obviously been in usage for a long time, and it really is in everyday usage.

21st Century Howarya...

Yesterday I learnt something new, and not good 'new' either.

It seems that even in 21st Century Ireland if a wife is in an unhappy marriage her options are very limited. If she stays for the good of her children until they 16 years or older, the husband is only duty bound to support the children until they have finished full-time education, and owes the wife nothing at all financially. If the husband refuses to vacate the family home she must take him to court if she wishes him to leave and she to stay, and that case would likely only be won if there is extreme violence involved and she is in fear of her life.

If she decides to leave the family home the husband cannot dispose of the home without her consent, and vise versa. If it is sold they each get half the proceeds, if, in the current economic climate it could be sold.

There are no state benefits for a woman who leaves, so she'd jolly well better be able to support herself. She may claim 'job seekers allowance' once she has a separate address to the husband, but not before. Catch 22 situation.

The children would remain with the parent with the greater income, usually the father.

So in the end a wife gives herself to bringing up her children and keeping the home, the husband takes all her salary (whenever she is earning) and the wife ends up penniless, and, if the marriage comes adrift, homeless. What's more, the husband retains the moral high ground by not leaving the family home and continuing to support his children.

The moral of this story, dear ladies, is to either live in sin or not to put up with a lousy marriage for the sake of the children, get out early.

I totally agree that it should not be easy to walk away from one's Marriage vows, they were taken in all seriousness and in good faith.  And who on earth ever thinks at the start of a marriage that they'll end up separated or as a negative statistic? But heck- should a woman be punished for having done the right thing by her family but finally refusing to take any more **** ?

Basically, ladies, not only have we no rights, we're scuppered.